Everytime I have house guests lately, I go to offer them drinks and find the alcohol is gone.
Which is odd. Cause I almost never drink -- which always surprises people, who seem to think I wander around the house all the time with a martini in one hand and a half-nekkid sweet young thang in the other.But I average about two drinks a year: a margarita on the first hot summer day, and maybe champagne on New Year's or at a wedding.
And since I don't drink and diminish the reserves, I've always had the best-stocked bar in town with multiple bottles of what I'm told is the best vodka, bourbon,gin etc -- and one really crummy bottle of some sort of spiced rum that I used to make rum raisin rice pudding with (til my stepdad sneaked into it and drank it; seriously, if that isn't one of those "you might be an alcoholic if..." moments, you will die a drunk).
I never notice the supply level until I offer it to company -- and so far this year I'm missing two bottles of bourbon and two of vodka.That's a lotta hooch.No one's bothered the gin.
And no, I didn't drink them in a moment of Ambien-amnesia. I ambien-EAT, and I always see the crumbs the next day.I do other Ambien things too in my sleep -- but again, there's always evidence. I would notice the empty bottles.
I really don't think the cleaning ladies are likely suspects, which mostly leaves the Hot Sorority Visigoths next door (they have access to my spare fridge). They're so nice, and they made me muffins... But they do have a lotta guests.
So today I find myself at the Rite Aid buying booze. A lotta booze.
And filling prescriptions.Lotta pills. (Nothing very exciting or illicit. Believe me. If I wanted that stuff, I'm sure they sell it at the bus stop right outside my office.)
And running into a LOT of people I know.
All of whom arched their eyebrows at the contents of my basket.
All I needed was a half-dressed Sweet Young Thang and I coulda really kept the rep alive.