Michael Jansen Miller's twitter-ized version of Reality Truck, Volume 1. He posts it in a very DailySedaris style, which is no mean feat, given that he's certainly not got Sedaris to work with for raw material.
It's funny whenever I see him tag things RTv1 -- because when I first got to twitter (a couple years ago), and I saw all the ReTweets (or "RTs") I always did wonder why everybody was suddenly talking to me all the time.
At any rate, here's a sampling of Reality Truck, Volume 1 the way Michael Jansen Miller sees it, 140 characters at a time (along with a few of his related observations):
- "I asked for a whole new look, I'm just not sure I wanted that new look to say, 'will this be cash or charge?'- Reality Truck V.1"
- "Life was good, or more important (where I went to school anyway) it looked good.... -RTv.1"
- "Or as my friend Scott said in pondering my birthday present, 'Does Prada make a crown of thorns for the Catholic who has everything?'- RTv.1 "
- "...Then I got *bangs*, and it's essentially all been downhill from there." -Reality Truck V.1"
- "After hours of sparkling debate, we reached the following conclusion: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, because nobody listens. -RTv.1"
- "I get to my office, open up all my email and mail, and 'work.' Sometimes I 'write' and sometimes I 'edit.' Sometimes I 'cry.' -RTv.1 "
- "I have given up hope that I will ever live in a home that would be considered "habitable" by people who have what my parents refer to as 'standards'.-RTv.1"
- "So we came to the mutual conclusion that he needed a more traditional wife. And I really hope he's found that in Mark.- Reality Truck V.1"
- "Here are three words you never want to hear in the same sentence: upper, lower, and GI.- Reality Truck V.1"
- "Things got off to a bad start when the admissions staff broke the ice by asking if I had a 'Living Will.' -Reality Truck V.1"
- "I had to give up caffeine, chocolate, and cheap red wine. In short, I had to abandon everything that gives my life meaning.-RealityTruck V.1"
- "I don't think I have what it takes to be obscenely weathy...namely, money.- Reality Truck V.1." And then he writes, "The Second Coming: Fall 2010. Pray." [And that is when I wondered why he isn't on my payroll as publicist.]
- "I'd never in my life been so happy to see a person in white shoes. - Reality Truck V.1." He adds, "Shoe on the other foot? Fall 2010: RT: The Sequel
- "I have to say there aren't too many friends who'll come over with a spade on their lunch hour and help you bury a dead body.-RealityTruckV.1" (I should maybe clarify, that passage was about my late cat, Steve, and not the Stalker also named Steve, who came along a couple years later, and is, as far as I know, still alive.)
- "I may be poor, but here are two words I pray you'll never hear in the same breath as my name: Miss. Clairol.- Reality Truck V.1"
- "The downside is, nothing in my life *goes* with this hair. No *one* goes with this hair.- Reality Truck V.1"
- "@MissKristina It is fun to SQUEEEZz Ms. R into anything approximating 140 characters. Glad you're liking it!"
- "Save the date! Reality Truck, the Sequel (in 3D?) rolls into town October 1." [Again, WHY isn't he on the payroll?]
- "Ellen is busy alienating all her friends, screwing around on her nice boss/boyfriend, wrecking her career and coughing up blood.-RTv.1" [It took me a minute to remember this was a thirtysomething reference. It may be dated, but it's still my favorite memory of the 80s, and the DVDs will be the first movie night in the new place.]
- "Lesbian Teen Prom Battle. When I was in high school, the lesbians had NO interest in going to the Prom. And I should know. I took one," along with, "I'm starting to think we could maybe just decide Mayor using #foursquare."
I tell him, "but YOUR version of the book is SO much better than mine." He says, "Yeah. That's what they said to KingJames. I hear that didn't turn out so well.