At the Table

[this post reads 8:22 pm EST; it was actually posted at 11:22. Intern will have to figure out setting the blog clock -- but this way gives me more time to meet my midnight deadlines, per my NaBloPoMo repeat/challenge: 30 posts in 30 days.]

-----11:22 pm EST------
I know it's rude to blog at the table -- but we might not get home by Midnight.

On my way here, I walked past a conversation that included this, "Dude: we should start a website -- Masturbatin' and Cryin'."

I paused, and they immediately quietened down, waiting for me to pass. I just leaned and asked "domain name?"(Because that is a site I would go to.)

-------
 1:15 am
It seems like a slide show of the evening would be better than a blog. But I don't know how to post a slideshow, so I can post a few pics instead.

For example, these are the boots I wore. They're very painful, but they are excruciatingly cute too, and I had to step up my game not because of the Hot Guys any number of us might've encountered --- but because Tha Gays came out with us tonight, and in their spare time, they judge people. Junior Gays Jupe and Buñuel were along, but so were the Senior/Food/Power Gays and if I ever embarrassed them with a Twitterista/Fashionista Faux Pax they would disown me on the spot.

There were so many of us it was hard for us to initially integrate the straights and gays and we had a brief unfortunate flashback to "separate but equal" but it was all resolved when Bluebelle took custody of the Junior Gays and I took the Food Gays and we were eventually able to effect a merger.

[This is Bluebelle's Drrrrty Martini, which brought harmony, happiness and peace.]
 
Between all the dirty bloggers, the Front Porchers, the gays, junior gays, and food gays, etc. who had shown up, we quickly outgrew the place and headed to the second destination farther downtown.  It was on the walk there that I passed a conversation that included this, "Dude: we should start a website -- Masturbatin' and Cryin'." I paused only to ask "domain name?"

Our second destination gave us a fabulous balcony window seat which just about has to be the coolest table in town (if not for the fact that heat rises -- making it about 300 degrees in there; I first  thought reading all that Oprah People Magazine had maybe sent me into perimenopause.) This is Jupe's drink.

Over the course of the evening I learned a few more porn bookmark recommendations for the BlackBerry (shout out to the Junior Gays for JerkYourTube -- sorry mates, no links; don't want to get ranked as an over-18 blog), untold gossip (seriously: it will remain untold); and I think we all reached the more or less  mutual simultaneous conclusion that "hot mess" has jumped the shark. (Though closer inspection on the way out revealed she probably was just an unattractive girl, and not in fact, a tranny.)

Surprisingly, I came home with the most monstrous swag bags ever. Chef Tom and MichaelJansenMiller brought me a summer's worth of labor in a bag (including Moroccan Preserved Lemons!! There woulda been no pesto at Ace's house this year had those two not stepped in with basil rescue plants after the Great Crop Failure of 2009) and then frontporch friend Jan brought me HOMEMADE MEATBALLS -- after discussing her recipe at book club the other night, I didn't think I could pull it off. I tend to scorch meatballs, and then give up and just make meat-sauce instead (Check it out, she even put a little sprig of fresh flat-leaf parsley on top!)

As the baby of the group, we conferred over dinner and decided Bunuel has so much culinary promise that he probably should apprentice with the Food Gays to see if that's where his calling is leading him (he knows he can't declare his specialization as a Gay until he turns 25... hey, I don't make the rules). Jupe has shown incredible perseverance as a Fashion Gay, not letting his handicap of color-blindness deter him from his 30-something destination as Power Gay.

In accordance with the Leave No Man Behind Policy, posses were dispatched back downtown after it was discovered via Twitter that Margueritte had been towed (anyone who thinks twitter is only filled with people chronicling their breakfast schedule can now suck it). Her husband arrived first and they are making their arduous way home now.

Godspeed.

NaBlows: December Begins: 30 posts in 30 days.

I didn't quite live up to the NaBlows challenge of 30 posts in 30 days in November --- I did get in 34 posts --- but I did not meet the one-a-day challenge. I lost wi-fi for a day or two and subbed in the BlackBerry, and of course there was that unfortunate Waiter=Episode --- where the service was so slow I got home too late to post my blog before midnight.

So I am trying again in December: One or more posts a day, for 30 days. The layout's beginning to get away from me until Intern gets in here and gives me some structure, where I can organize:
-columns
-food blogs
-family blogs
-pop reviews (books, movies, etc.)

The word for December NaBlows is: Mitzvah (no one's required to blog on that word, but I like it; it's a good word, and a good thing to do)... I figure it might give me another opportunity to visit those fabulous sites I found when I was poking around online to find out more about the end of Michael Chabon's Details Magazine column:

Jew-Ish  "a hope fulfilled is already half a disappointment!"

and  Jew of the Day which posted this picture of TooMuchSexy Michael Chabon. In trying to re-link to it, I was sharply rebuked by a Google ad on the right which read:

1. 
   

   Offensive Search Results

   We're disturbed about these results
   as well
   

I swear, I just wanted a picture of Michael Chabon, and I only wanted it for good, not evil.
----
My friend Joanie Abramson, one of my mentor cooks, always calls me meshuggeneh. Maybe I can work that in with my mitzvahs.

NaBloPoMo: Defying Categorization, or "I think I'm doing it wrong."

So, NaBlows is winding down in the next couple days, and I've kept up with the task pretty well -- which is to post daily -- but I can't help but think I'm doing it wrong.


Visit NaBloPoMo


I guess I thought it would be more like "Facebook for Bloggers." Like there would be this highly-searchable "community" where I could find all these great new blogs to follow -- maybe see who else was doing it from my city? Or state? So far, I only know about my friend Ali and my friend Mick, but that doesn't count. I already know them in-real-life, and I was already following both their blogs. Though I am glad they're posting every day.

I clicked on Groups, and I literally could not find ONE that fit, at all. I do see a lot of blog-advice, most of which tells you to find a niche of expertise and then be useful in that niche. But I don't have a niche. I love food; I write about it; I talk about it; I garden and cook; I'm pretty damn devoted -- but I'm not a food blogger. I know a lot about big dogs, but I'm not a dog blogger. I work in Media, old and new, but I'm not a Media Blogger.

This is a sampling of the Groups I found, just to further reinforce how badly I didn't fit, in a Universe where there is clearly something for everyone (and I do mean, everyone):

•  video bloggers
  
•  library bloggers
• Indiana bloggers
• diabetic bloggers
• self-portrait bloggers
• Scottish bloggers
• artist mamas
• parenting
• on a diet
• string players
• bloggers in Los Angeles (same number as string players in group: 14)
  
• music bloggers
• getting boys to read books (two members)
• breastfeeding and mothering (81 members)
• Florida/NewEngland/Northern California/Georgia/Pennsylvania bloggers
• EpiscopoBloggers (for Episcopal/Anglican bloggers)
• Christian moms
• work at home moms
• Bloggers who love stale peeps (17 members -- so they outnumber the string players)
• Queer Canada Blogs! (that's their exclamation point)
• the Dead Dads Club (presumably misspelled as Dead Dad's Club; assume it doesn't belong to one dead dad)
• scrapbooking
• friendly and fun Christian bloggers 
• Suzuki Moms Unite! (again: their exclamation point; again, I don't know what a Suzuki mom is) 
• quilting bloggers
• Beagles Rule! (again: their exclamation point; I had a Beagle as a child, and she was pretty great; she was afraid of rabbits. OK. That's all I have on Beagles.)
• horse lovers
• bloggers with ADD/ADHD (can't just have it; you gotta blog it...only two members...which begs the question...)
• Lady Gay
• A Fine Wine (not for wine bloggers; it's for "moms of tweens and teens"... who probably... need wine?)
• que sara sarah ("join only if your name is Sara or Sarah" -- 27 members)
• the Circle of Jens (if you're named Jen, Jennie, Jennifer...you get the idea)
  
• fat bloggers (their word, not mine; I don't believe in that word)
• babywearing bloggers (there's a photo that's pretty self-explanatory)
• Bloggers with pet rats

I even looked to see if there was anything on funnelcakes (that list is pretty damn specific) but there wasn't. There was one on corn dogs... but my heart just wouldn't be in it.

I Skyped (um, excuse me)

Bob Stone once told bunch of us grad students how he loved to watch badly-dubbed/subtitled movies in hotel rooms, because it always seemed like the person doing the translating had no idea what the movie was about. His favorite was some movie that depicted this scene of absolute debauchery and bacchanalia -- half-naked women; men gnawing on giant shanks of mutton and drinking tankards of ale -- while the subtitle underneath read: "I can't recall when I've passed a more pleasant evening."

Whenever I see people Skype on Tha T.V., I think of that story.

I hate to be one of those people who's irritated by stuff I don't understand -- all I know is that Oprah does it all the time, and it always looks cheap and annoying (kinda like a lot of her guests). Everyone stares off into space so it makes them look slow-witted (at best), and the connection is always disastrous -- like the very early days of cellphones where everyone sounded like they were in a tunnel (a tunnel that was under an armed invasion). And the voice synching is so far off it's worse than a dubbed martial arts movie crossed with a Beyonce "live" track.

Oprah also brands it so damn heavily you'd think she has stock in it or something ("Skyping in from the set of Grumpy Old Coots is JOHN TRAAAAA.VOOOOOOO.L.TAAAA.") That's just cheap. Geez, spring for airfare already Oprah. Somebody on a computer screen or tv is not your "guest" -- if that was the case, Sam Shepard would be my frequent "guest."

I finally Skyped yesterday. I'd been resisting it. My webcam in fact has a pink post-it note pasted over it, just in case I manage to skype accidentally. But, mah BFF is spending the week in Siberia (she really is, literally, in Siberia -- that isn't an expression -- which is what we all initially thought when she told us she was going there to deliver a new media talk on Thanksgiving). The trip is the coolest thing ever, but you know, I worry and Skype, as it turns out, is a great check-in.

As with most things in real life, it's NOTHING like it is on Oprah. Sure, the connections are off, and the video's kinda grainy, but overall, it's all kinda Jetsonian. I always figured we'd be zipping around in hovercrafts by now, so if we're not gonna get that, the least we should be able to do is talk to someone in Siberia onscreen -- which is technically, THE FUTURE, cause it's like 14 hours ahead of us.

I'm hoping she'll go there again for SuperBowl and we can make a fortune when she tells me how it all turns out....From the Future.

My Blog-a-Versary

I missed my Blog-A-Versary by one day because I couldn't log on with anything except the BlackBerry and I couldn't be sure of the date.

It was a year ago yesterday that I posted my very first blog --- roughly 10 years after the trend had already come and gone.

I was late to the party (much like with email, which I promptly proclaimed "a fad"), but I've tried to make up for it this month with NaBlows (http://www.nablopomo.com/) which requires you to post every day (though I don't think it's enforced or anything).

Visit NaBloPoMo

My first post was just a quote from 30 Rock. My second post was about my Thanksgiving stuffing (which turned out to be a failure, by the way, in the spirit of full disclosure).

For the first six months or so, I didn't know how to load a photo. Somebody did that for me.

For the first ten months or so, I couldn't make the links light up as clickable when I posted those.

And I only found a template that's relatively usable about a month ago --- though Intern is supposed to customize it and change the banner at the top to get rid of that wretched green. He is also supposed to take PDFs of the print column and make those linkable to the blog versions (which are often rough drafts of what ends up in print).

It's a process. I've still got the training wheels on, but I sure do appreciate everyone who reads -- and helps out -- along the way.

The Pank is Back

Two housecalls later, the Pank is back up and running. It wasn't the machine (as I cleverly deduced by taking it to the office with me and seeing if it worked there -- and it did). It was, I think what you kids today, call "The Wi Fi."

I was only able to talk myself into the netbook at all after the best computer store in the world opened up in my neighborhood -- instilling confidence that I could keep the thing up and running. (Everyone who has a computer is basically like everyone who has a Jag -- they spend all their time in the shop.) They set the thing up, and the Owner  has now ridden to the rescue twice when I flashed the pink Barbie head distress signal into the sky over the DiscoKroger. Luckily, the solution involved some really high-tech shit.

I woulda been so embarrassed if he had taken one look at the thing and said, "the ON button is right HERE." Instead, it basically involved repairing wireless access for the entire neighborhood. (You're welcome, Neighborhood.) And also: I think we launched a space shuttle -- just for fun. One thing I know for sure: if you are lucky enough to know people in life like PowerGeeks and FoodGays, you had BETTER do whatever it takes to stay on their good side.

Behind on NaBlows

I have been pretty religious about the Daily Posting per NaBlows rules, but the Pank's wi-fi access went out yesterday -- when we got it back (thru some seriously hi-tech machinations by JDC), it now just won't load some sites, like blogger -- it times out.

I am crudely fashioning today's post outta some twigs and a margarita-soaked BlackBerry.

It is too bad, because I have some TooMuchSexy SamShepard news to report -- but it'll have to wait til I can post with real links, pics, etc.

I think I am observing the Letter of the NaBlows Law as long as I get a post up.

NaBloPoMo: I Think I Joined

I think I just joined National Blog Posting Month or NaBloPoMo (?) or NaBlows, for short.

I knew about NaNoWriMo, also going on in November (write a Novel in one month? No. Thanks.) And I knew about NaPoWriMo (write a poem a day I think? -- Again, No Thanks.)

But I didn't know about NaBlows. I'm just now figuring out how to follow other blogs, and I read about it at AliThinks.

She writes:

"It's a great concept. Post a blog entry every day...I'm not sure I'm ready to commit. On the other hand, it's great to complete a project. And my writing muscle could use a little exercise."

Of course, she wrote that on October 26, and NaBlows is the month of November -- but I just now found it, so I am starting a week late. (I looked back, and I posted almost everyday in the last week, so I'm not really too far behind.)

I went to the site she listed and registered, and I don't think I did it right. I can't really tell if you're supposed to post something there every day, on their site (they have a dizzying array of templates etc) ... or just write a post every day on your own blog and somehow, NaBlows will know if you are, or are not keeping up. What I'm doing is the latter.

AliThinks is the guru who taught me Twitter, and I try to never miss an opportunity to learn from her.

Here is a picture of her drink last night, which was the prettiest drink at the table. I don't think she really likes having her picture taken all that much (though you can see the ones on her blog are beauts, and I keep trying to figure out ways to steal her Facebook photo profile and pass it off as my own -- hey, we both wear glasses).