You Asked.

While I don't always expect unequivocal enthusiasm, I am unaccustomed to the restrained choice of adjectives that are the preference of my designated straight.

It really doesn't matter if it's an outfit, or a meal, or moments involving a more...personal investment in outcomes -- about the best you're ever going to get outta him is "nice." He has a perfectly developed vocabulary, he's just more reserved than I am. Me, I just like more (and more specific) feedback, so I give him an endless hard time about it.

He says he intends it more like the Michelin stars. "Nice" certainly means "great job." "Real nice" would be more synonymous with "extraordinary," and I don't exactly know what "right nice" means, because I've never gotten one. (Not even after the Potatoes Anna.)

So today when I wondered out loud what it would take to hear this high level of praise, I asked (rhetorically), "it doesn't involve inviting another girl over does it?"

And his answer, without pausing for one second was, "depends on who it is."

I'm sorry.  

What?

Not a moment of hesitation.

That was, of course, the wrong answer.

And he should've known that because his response (as always) was clearly outlined for him in the format of the question itself-- "it doesn't involve another girl, does it?" -- Suggested Answer: "It certainly does NOT. I can barely handle YOU."

(For example, if we're out to dinner, I'll "ask" him "You don't mind if we make it an early night, do you?" Which he always understands is his cue for "Let's go home!" So don't bother feeling sorry for him, because he is familiar with the verbal process.)

Then he dug a deeper hole. "Not anybody we know." (1. Yeah. Reassuring, and 2. Thank God I don't have a sister.)  He elaborated, "Like a celebrity."

I said, "oh, so like Alec Baldwin?" -- who I think only got sexy once his waistline expanded and he got a sense of humor about his looks. He said Alec Baldwin wouldn't even fit in the bed.

But of course I already knew his selection (long before he mentioned her by name) would be Amanda Peet, or the younger model of Amanda Peet, Lake Bell. I could not be less his type. He just loves those amazonian horsey girls. Yeah. Good luck with that. Hope it works out.

Because even in Fantasy Land? Nope. Veto.

I countered with Reese Witherspoon. (Who everybody knows is my straight-girl-crush.) Take her or leave her. It's Reese or Nobody.

He didn't need to be told my choice was Sam Shepard. (Though I certainly reminded him.) Which is admittedly a slightly different and less-fair proposition than Amanda Peet or Lake Bell since Sam Shepard is in town all the time and you have to go outta your way not to run into him.

Many more exchanges like this one, and his job will be to run down and get me Sam Shepard for Valentine's Day.