Monday, February 8, 2010

"The Professionally Unmarried"

Every Monday should start with a good laugh, and this arrived in the morning's inbox from longtime E-Husband, Walter:
Last night I dreamed you were getting married. A strange dream for someone who never has met you in person, which probably accounts for the fact that you appeared in the dream as a bossy little poof of blond hair with a southern-enough accent and no other distinguishing features -- well, other than the bossiness. Who were you marrying? I don't know. But I do know that you were ordering people around and telling them who would accompany whom to the ceremony. You assigned one of your pseudo-hubbies to escort my wife and assigned me another partner and said I would have to be "down in front" and not sitting with my wife. You were overseeing this mix-and-match with a distinct (read that "bitchy") edge to your voice. But take heart. There was no marriage. Simply an endless rearranging of the guests. I remember thinking: Maybe this is what becomes of the "professionally unmarried."
That sounds about right: no groom, no marriage -- just a big party with a complicated guest list, and me bossing people around!


  1. Could be fun - I'm game - when is it?!

  2. A bride-zilla with an army of gays to back you up, could there be anything more frightening? Or fabulous? And your colors could be pank and pank.

  3. You have to have this at CentreLawn and I want to sing "Ring Ring da Banjo!" when your pink helicopter lands in the middle of the MMMB Love Circle.

  4. Remember everybody: DON't save the date!!

  5. For a recessional we could have Alejandro Escovedo sing "Castanets" and crank up the volume when it gets to the part that goes, "I like her better when she walks away."

    Then Robert Earl Keen can sing "Gringo Honeymoon" and people can slip away to wherever the professionally unmarried go to be alone together.