Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Rules for Lent

 "Do you smoke after sex?"
"I don't know....I never checked."
--old saying 
The ban on swearing for Lent only works if everybody knows about it. First, it has to cost me (the fine is $1 buck per profanity, payable to the humane society at Easter), and Second, I have to be monitored, and busted when I lapse. It's not that I can't be trusted to live by the honor system, it's just that swearing is such a reflex for me, I would never notice it. A conversation with me is pretty much an episode of Deadwood, in that I have a social circle that has included both cops and marines apologizing for my language on my behalf, because I embarrassed them.

As I did last year, these are the exceptions I have allowed during the ban: ass, dumbass, and ass-clown. But not "asshole." (It's in quotes, so I'm not actually saying it.) My rationale is if it can make it into prime time or daytime TV, then it's fair. Anything with an F in it (which is nearly all my favorite words), is probably out.

It is ok to swear in front of me though (I've noticed several friends catching themselves, and then apologizing). I promise I am NOT the temporary equivalent of that one Alcoholic friend nobody likes -- the Buzzkill who can't have any fun if anybody else has a drink.

I'm more like the ex-smoker who just wants to stand downwind from your Marlboro. Go ahead. Indulge. I'll re-join you at Easter.


  1. Do air quote count in this "in quotes" exception? If so, then you're golden. Just use the air quotes, you can say whatever you want during Lent, and God won't mind.
    In the timeless words of Homer: "If something's too hard for you, Bart, just give up."

  2. I'm relieved to be a Pagan at this point... I'd have no money left.