Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Tiger's Wild Ambien Sex

My girl Kimmy called last night and asked me with a great deal of righteous indignation if I'd heard about Tiger's Wild Ambien Sex.

The truth is, I saw one joke about it on Twitter, and meant to follow the link, but just never got around to it. But I think I get the gist. Tiger likes to have sex on Ambien? Wild sex?

Kimmy's objection --- and the one I hear from other fellow Ambien devotees --- is, GREAT! Now Tiger's gonna ruin it for the rest of us. Right now, it's thoroughly readily available, but as soon as its image goes "recreational," somebody will step in and regulate it, and that'll mean the end of sleep for those of us who are lucky to get three or four hours a night as it is.

My (well-documented) Ambien experiences mostly surround Food. When it involves boys, it's usually boys bringing me food. But what everybody wants to know about now (thanks to Tiger) is the Wild Ambien Sex.

Maybe there is, and maybe there isn't. The thing is: I wouldn't remember either way. Sure, I've been known to wear some pretty ... wild... get-ups post-Ambien (turtlenecks... snowflake pajamas... that kinda thing).

The only recent conversational memory I have of a post-Ambien interlude is hearing the question, "ummm, are you... awake?" Which, I think, does not exactly constitute a Rave Review. The tone more than suggested that this was a moment for which I should've been conscious, and further implied that perhaps I was not doing my share of the heavy lifting.

So I asked him later if we'd been having any of that wild Ambien sex... and he answered, "Well, I don't know about youuuuuuu...."

1 comment:

  1. And you called MY state co-pay knockoff Ambien "sugar pills". Tiger Balm may get more expensive, especially when they brand it such, but at least I'll still have my Government Cheese.